I am a list maker. I am a list crosser-offer. Crossing an item off a list gives me a delightful thrill. I am an organized completer.
Except when I’m not. Lists cause me stress too, when they’re not being handily completed. I can spend a whole Saturday taking care of chores and the miscellany of life, but if I don’t cross something off my list, I feel like I’ve failed. Just so you know, the chores and stuff are not on the list – the list is other things that I need to do.
I’ve noticed lately that a lot of people ask me if I’ve watched this show or that show. I have a few shows I like and record, but I don’t watch a lot of television any more. And if the TV is on, chances are it’s an old episode of one of the three Law & Order franchises.
It’s not that I don’t love a good show. But I have my list. And other things not on the list, like read my book, water the plants, wash out the cat box. Where does the time go?
Someone asked me last week what I plan to do with myself when I retire. First off, I don’t think I’ll just be done working and never work again. I’ll find something I enjoy doing, even if part time. But that question struck a chord with me. That’s a lot of days to fill. Maybe I’d finish my lists? Maybe I’d have time to binge watch a TV show?
Honestly, I don’t want to be imprisoned by my lists any more. I don’t want the guilt niggling at me when I decide to sit down and surf the Internet on a Saturday afternoon instead of working on something that “I need to do”. But things always need to be done. I’ve got some more thinking to do on this. And no, I’m not putting that on my list.